My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
