More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
