After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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