You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
