unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
