My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
