Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
How's work?
Spinning.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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