Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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