there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
