all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
