hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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