I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
