I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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