I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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