so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
