but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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