She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
