Can Purell be used as lube?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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