Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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