I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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