im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
