this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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