yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
they're like a gay fantastic four
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
