Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
