A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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