tell your sister to shave her snatch
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
