O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
