after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
this hospital has no fireball
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
