After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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