think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
