then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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