My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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