so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
3 2 1 whiskey
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
