so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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