i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize