Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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