smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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