Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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