I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
