I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
