My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
