Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
