The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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