If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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