just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
