For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize