She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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