Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
