planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
