Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I can text with my tongue
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
