just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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