Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
