He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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