Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I checked into jail on foursquare
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
