Nicole vs. Life
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
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