sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
