i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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