i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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