His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
