The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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