He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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