so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize