Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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