i wish peter jackson would direct porn
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
