I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We left an ass print on the piano.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
