I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
