fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
