no, he came in my armpit
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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