dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
