I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
