38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
