We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
