went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I deserve this hangover.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
