I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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