I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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