At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize