When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
