My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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